Impressions in Death
by Al Bhed- Pypa
Summary: Kakashi learns the hard way that you can do as much as you want to redeem yourself when somone dies, but it was the time you spent with them when they were alive that matters. Character death, angst.


**AN/ you might need tissues… that's all I am saying… ****it's sad. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, if I did, this would be what happened to Rin.**

"Happy birthday to me" I muttered and blew out the candles. There were 16. I was 16 years old today, my sweet 16.

"Happy birthday Rin" my sensei smiled at me, but the look on my face faded his smile. I hadn't meant to look at him like that, it wasn't his fault. He had shown up. The two of us sitting alone in the restaurant at a table set for three.

"Maybe something came up" he suggested hopefully, but I could hear the doubt in his voice. He knew as well as I did, something's were more important then birthdays in my teamate's eyes. I smiled as best I could for my sensei who went through the trouble of getting me a cake and present. Pulling the pink bow off the box I opened it slowly to find a locket. Inside the locket was the first team picture we had all taken. I blinked a few times as tears stung my eyes.

"Th-thank y-y-you sensei" I stuttered as a held back my tears. I truly was happy and I tried to fasten it around my neck but my shaking hands wouldn't do up the clasp. Sensei smiled and took the locket from me and fastened it. I fingered it slowly, remembering how there was a time when we were a whole team, and we would come to this restraunt whenever there was something important, like a birthday. Now there were two of alone at the old booth.

"Go and find him" Sensei suddenly said to me. I looked up quickly

"But I can't just leave you"

"Don't worry about me; I have work to do anyway. I skipped it to have lunch with you. But this is more important, find him" he told me, and stood up. I stayed where I was for a while longer as I watched him pay the owner and then leave. I looked down at wrapping paper on the floor. It was ripped and torn, like the wrappings that used to hold our team together. I sighed and I got up too. I left the restraunt and headed to the field. I knew exactly where I had to look, he was hardly anywhere else when he wasn't training.

As I approached the monument I saw him there. I stopped before I got all the way there and watched him. He spent so much time here. Either talking to Obito, or just sitting there.

"Kakashi" I called quietly. He didn't move, or even acknowledge that he had heard me

"Kakashi!" I tried again, and this time he turned slowly.

"What is it Rin" he asked in his normal calm manner, but I could hear the pain in his thoughts, see it in his eye.

"You didn't show up today. Sensei and I were waiting for a long time" I began, but I had only got that far when he turned back to the monument.

"Sorry Rin, I didn't feel like training today" Now I understand, to well. He hadn't been busy, or burdened. He had forgotten, he had forgotten me. He was so caught up in his own guilt that he just forgot everything else that was important.

"Kakashi! You actually forgot!" I cried. I know it was a bit uncalled for, but I was angry. This was getting out of hand. It had been nearly 4 years now, and he still acts like it happened yesterday.

"Forgot what?" he asked calmly, not looking at me

"MY BIRTHDAY KAKASHI!"

Now he turned. He turned quickly, and stared at me. His featured filling with realization of his mistake. But I didn't take pity, this had happened enough now. I had forgiven it in the past, but not now. Not anymore.

"I have forgiven you again and again Kakashi, but enough is enough" he opened his mouth to say something, but I just kept going

"You have missed training, skipped missions and completely blown me off to sit and mourn for someone YOU DIDN'T EVEN LIKE! But this is enough, I asked you to come to lunch with me for my birthday because all I wanted was a chance to catch up with my team and have a good time, but I can see that it was too much of an inconvenience to ask of you. You can't live in the past, life is going on around you Kakashi and you're missing it! You're missing it! How is being with the teamate's you have lost more important then spending what time you have left with ones still with you? He was my teamate too you know? Sometimes I think that it hasn't really hit you yet. And everyday I blame myself for his death because I was too weak to defend myself and he died rescuing me. You aren't the only one who is at fault for his loss, but you **are **the only one who is stuck living it over and over. I have moved on because I know that he wouldn't want me to suffer like you do. How many teamate's will you need to lose before you realize that you can do as much as you want after they are gone, but it is the time you spend with them when they are alive that will judge how they see you after death. Because it will be you they remember and not you trying to find redemption from your guilt." I stopped for a breath. He stared at me for a minute, and then reached for me, as if to put his hand on my shoulder

"Rin I..." he began, but I pulled away from his touch and shook my head, tears beginning to form in the corners of my eyes

"No Kakashi, I don't need your pity"

With that I walked away so he couldn't see me cry.

**8 months later**

"Asuma… the target is sited… 4 feet… moving in...Over"

"Roger that….can you handle it alone...over"  
"affirmative… keep reinforcements on standby… over and out"

This is going to be quick and easy. A simple assassination, no big deal. The mark isn't even a ninja. He's a sitting duck. I shift on the tree branch I'm sitting on, I reach into my holder and pull out a kunai. This is it.

I leap from the tree quickly and soundlessly. The man looks shocked as I come, I swing my arm back ready to strike, and reach forward and suddenly there is a white hot flash of pain..

No

No… no! There was no one there! This isn't happening. I drop the kunai and land on my feet awkwardly. My hand flies to my chest, it's warm…and wet. I cry out and my legs give out under me. I know I'm panicking, which is what you are always taught not to do on the field… but I just can't help it. I groan where I am kneeling and look down at my hand. It's soaked in blood. Struggling, I look up to my target, he is not alone anymore. Shit! He hired a ninja body guard. I curl into myself and curse. This ninja is a jonin, I'm only a chunin. I begin to gather chakra in my hand, I don't have enough time to heal myself, but I could stop the bleeding. I only just get started when he slams his foot down on my wrist. I gasp, he is putting all his weight on it, at this rate it will snap! I try to squirm free but he just laughs at my attempts. Staying on my wrist he kneels down beside me and using on hand on my chin he turns me so I am on my back. I stare up at his eyes, its all I can see of him. They are dark and hollow. I try to turn my head away but he holds me facing him.

"Oh no no, kunoichi! I'm not done with you yet. I don't like the way you attacked my client. I can't let you just walk away, you might do it again. I have to take some…measures… so that you won't ever attack him again. Now hold still"

It took a few minutes, due to the pain and fatigue, to realize just what he was saying. I was screwed. I needed back up. Using my other hand I quietly turn on the head set,

"Help me" I manage to whisper into it before he sees it and grabs it from me. He looks pissed now

"I told you to stay still kunoichi!" he yells and reaches for his sword on his belt.

**Thislineisheretobreakuptheactionandgotosomeoneelsespointofviewforthestory**

"…._help me…"_

"_I told you to stay still kunoichi!"_

"_Get away from me… don't touch me…"_

"Rin? Rin? Come in? Answer me? Are you all right? Rin…what's your position? RIN!"

Asuma knew it was no use. After the first voice cut out he could hear the sounds of screaming and laughing. Rin had been caught. He had agreed to take this mission with the girl because she and Kakashi were still on bad terms.

' _I don't know where she is…she didn't sate her position… I need back up now!! Shit!"_

Asuma began to panic; he quickly switched the channel to the Hokage's emergency channel

"This is Asuma, I need back up! Search and rescue and medics, stat!"

The 40 seconds it took to reply were one of the longest in Asuma's life

"This is Konoha, what's your position"

"40 and 56"

"Alright, Anbu and medics have been dispatched."

"Thank you"

It took five minutes for the Anbu to come, the conversations were brief and then they moved out. The mission was cancelled and Asuma was sent back to Konoha. In the next 2 hours he sat near the entrance of Konoha. Her sensei was nearby, looking panicked and he could see Kakashi hovering a few feet away. The tension was horrible until the gate opened and three medics rushed through and ran towards the hospital. The three knew it was her… but in what condition?

**oOoOoOo**

I opened my eyes slowly. Everything was blurry, and everything hurt. Where am I? I can't see anything. I blinked to focus things, but all there was, was ceiling and lights. Then it all came rushing into focus the beeping, the screaming and the tubes. I was strapped down to the hard bed I was lying on, there were tubes sticking out every which way. I began to cry, I had no idea what was happening. I know this was the emergency room, god knows how many times I've worked in here. When I began to feel the pull of unconscious, I let it take me. I didn't want to stay here.

When opened my eyes again, things were calm. I was in a small room, but something didn't feel right. I turned my head to the side slowly. I was dizzy, unfocused and weak. Sensei was there, he looked distressed, Asuma was near the door look unsure and worried. And Kakashi was there… he was there.

"What….happened" I choked out, I didn't realize how hard it was to talk until I couldn't.

"Don't force it Rin" sensei's voice said soothingly. "There was extra Nin on the field then were expected, you didn't stand a chance"

"Am…I going to be ok?" I asked with difficulty. When I got no answer I knew it was a bad sign.

"Sensei…I..." I began but then stopped. Something wasn't right…something felt, not working. I closed my eyes. The convulsions began shortly after. I opened my mouth and screamed completely against my will. Someone supported my head as I shook. Once it stopped I opened my eyes to see sensei with his hands under my head, Asuma was running from the room crying and Kakashi just looked….horrified.

"Sensei… this is it..."

"No, Rin"

"No, shush. Let me end this… you meant the world to me. Thank you for everything."

"No problem" he said, as the tears began to fall.

"Kakashi… I"

"Yes Rin"

"I….about what I said… about impressions in the after life"

"Don't worry about it, I know I was an ass, you can take that memory with you"

"No Kakashi I….."

No…no not now! Don't let this happen now! I'm not done! I need more time, I need more time.

"Rin, Rin hold on! Help is coming! Don't let go"

Kakashi… I don't hate you… you never got to know that! Don't let me leave with you thinking both team mates hated you! Kakashi… no… please…

I love you

**OoOoOoOoO**

'_How many teamate's will you need to lose…'_

Her words echoed in my head. I guess it took two Rin. Two more then it should have. I promised him I'd protect you… and I failed. I let you go with you made at me didn't i… well I guess I deserved it, I just cant help but wonder…

"_No Kakashi I….."_

What were you going to say?

**AN/ ****awww poor Rin… I love that team so much (I cosplayed Rin). I have one other fic about them… there will be more, all with different ways of what happened to her. Ah well, that was that… hope you liked it. Please review**

**- Ali**


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